Empowering chronic illness patients to fully recover. www.thehealedtribe.com
897 following135 posts9066 followers
Empowering chronic illness patients to fully recover. www.thehealedtribe.com
897 following135 posts9066 followers
So something a little magical has happened. I’m out of my auto immune flare, whoop * And on the other side, I’m actually stronger * I just went for a run. A RUN. Me. Running. Something unheard of for the last 8 years. Granted it wasn’t long. But I had the urge to do it and so just went. I haven’t been able to do any cardio for many years due to my mitochondria being fucked (technical term ) * Those of you following my recovery will know I have used neuroplasticity and my meditation work as an integral part of recovery. Each workshop I have been to I’ve seen profound changes * This last few weeks I’ve been in a real meditative place, like my own 6 week workshop. I have spent a lot of time alone. Not over thinking. Not having a shit time. But learning more about how much my brain and central nervous system truly govern my immune system. Pulling threads together of years of research * Experimenting with my breath work, with my meditation, and monitoring my results with neurofeedback and heart rate variability measurements (yes, I’m a massive geek and need to get out more I know ). This work with myself and bouncing off amazing professionals has lead to a huge progression in the programs we will be offering patients. We are all very excited * I know deep down I needed to have this experience. As we get closer to launching the site and all its associated self help patient programs and education, I had to go through this and emerge stronger. What right do I have to guide people through if I haven’t walked through my own fire and emerged * I’m a work in progress, and really human and imperfect, but I think that’s what makes a good teacher. I am no better and no worse than anyone else. I have passion, knowledge, and a will of steel to ensure chronic illness patients all get better. With a background in psychology, and personal experience as a patient, I am whole and ready for this just as I am. It took this flare to finally help me realise this.
It is the season for soups and snuggles * I’ve been spending a lot more time than usual alone recently, out of choice * I had an incredibly busy and social summer and fall, and when the flare hit I realised I needed to create a little more space in my life * Yes this flare was not the most fun I’ve had this year and I’m still fatigued and finding my way back to baseline after it * But it gave me such a good opportunity to re assess the balances in my life as I end this year * I had a series of work disappointments with not being able to do my yoga teacher training and some other work falling through, that caused deep stress for how I was going to support myself financially. New opportunities are emerging now and I trust it will all work out beautifully * It was a good lesson in not pinning expectations on things working out as planned. To focus always on staying open and happy for things to shift as they need to * I will emerge from this introversion when I’m ready. But I feel no rush. My best friends are either on holiday or thousands of miles away : ) so I’m Skyping my loved humans and I never feel lonely. I’m really happy at the moment having this time for myself * Winter is a beautiful time for us to turn inwards more, see where we can self care deeper, let go more fully the things that don’t serve us, cultivate the things that do * Always honour where your energy is. Let seasons both out in the world and seasons that come and go in your heart, guide you to what you need most in your recovery * This is spiced butternut squash soup with coconut. There is cilantro on top for the picture but cilantro to me tastes like the devils armpit - so I don’t actually eat it ha
After my post about the current news around sexual boundaries, many sent me messages about their experiences. Thank you. Navigating back to health raises these issues for many as part of healing * It doesn’t have to be one big event; one stab wound of trauma. It can be the thousand every day paper cuts of boundary violations, degredations, invalidations, that does just as much damage * As women our bodies are used to sell products, services, sex. Our bodies are argued about with regards to reproductive rights and healthcare * Society detaches women’s bodies from women’s humanity so often, so recklessly, that we ourselves are having to work backwards in order to align these two things again * I get asked ‘why wear short skirts then’ and ‘why’s a sweet little thing like you not more sexually active’. I could reply it’s my choice but that’s not the issue * Our bodies and our humanity are one. We have unassailable and unconditional agency over them. Our bodies are not some separate vessel for discussion and taking * Separating our being from our bodies is one of the roots of dis-ease. It is no coincidence that women get more stress related illness, auto immune disease, digestive illness (the area where emotions are held most ) * Coming back into alignment into our humanity and power, as women inhabiting these bodies and speaking up, with open hearts, allows us to help others, men too to hold better boundaries * Challenging belief systems takes balls and yes it is fucking uncomfortable. We have to look at how we interact, women and men alike. We ALL buy into this default programming * But what a point of power to come together in a world that perpetuates constant separation. To transmute the anger and move through it. This is empowerment * Rebalancing the masculine and feminine in this world is crucial, and something we can all be part of. While the system is broken, it still can’t break us. Abuse of power and misdirected sexuality can’t destroy us. We can be whole. We can be powerful. We can be healed. We don’t need to wait for an external system to change in order to begin
I’m back in the gym!!!!! * Today was lovely * I didn’t feel like I was walking through quick sand. And I wasn’t in agony. I am so deeply grateful for starting to emerge from this flare * More than anything though today, I was grateful for this man next to me, my trainer Khino * He’s an exceptional trainer, really diligent, focused, fun and knowledgable * But more than this, he’s a safe human. And this is what makes him super special. He knows my energy goes up and down. Knows this recovery is not linear. Knows that I struggle sometimes * He just gets it and meets me where I am, without frustration, or guilt, or anything else that would freak me out and close me down. He meets me where I am, knowing I will always give 100% when I can. He also lets me swear like a pirate haha * These are the most empowering people we can be around. Not pushing, not pulling. Just a hand out, and our choice if we take it or not * We work slowly and carefully. Cardio/aerobic exercise just floors me, so he never raises my heart rate too high. Over the months, my strength has grown and grown. It has been amazing and so confidence building to see this hard work come to fruition. I can see it in my yoga practice, I can feel it in my body day to day. It is wonderful * I am so very lucky to have people like this helping me heal. Thank you @khinobrackeen I WILL be doing pull ups by the end of this year. Word.
When you manage to get out of the house and go to your favourite paleo food cart * My work here is done * Victories can be big or small. They all count. Be so kind to yourself. To your magnificent body that is keeping you alive every second and healing as fast as it can. Love it fiercely. Love yourself as fiercely. On the days/weeks that life slows down and gets a little smaller, settle into that love as it knows everything is just passing through and will change * I shall now be at home for most of the weekend to recover more by resting (reading fantasy ) and doing yoga (horrifying downstairs by landing like a drunk hippo in my handstand practice ) * Anyone who wishes to bring me hugs, honeymamas chocolate (the peppermint one ) or sarcasm, please feel free to pop over * Anyone that doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re, please never pop over * All my love. Happy weekend to all you lovely humans xxx
My first Instagram selfie. Form an orderly queue boys * I have been at home a lot recently recovering from flare-gate so have been as socially active as a 95 year old nun * The amount of fantasy novels I have read should mortify me, but I’m pretty delighted with the level 10 geekiness of my kindle library * This flare has not gone yet. I am sitting in this fire and feeling my body rage; to hear it, feel, to not push that away or try run from it * It is a different experience to actually feel into our bodies like this * Not just marinade in the negative thoughts about the experience * It is so much healthier to allow the sensations to arise and sit with our bodies, without all the catastrophising stories of; ‘this is fucking shit, when will it end, I’m so sick, I must go google this symptom, oh my god the internet is telling me I have prostate cancer, but wait…. I’m female, oh my god I have female prostate cancer’ * Instead, we can learn to disengage the thinking brain and just tune into where our body is holding hurt, where the heart ache and gut wrench of fear or sadness or anger has reverberated around our body and gotten stuck. We all hold onto this old stuff, not meaning to, it is subconscious. But we have to let it move and let it go * I feel this flare is hanging around like a fart in a space suit because I am so close to healing and it is a final hurdle. Before this, I had months of growing strength and stability. I know I’m doing fine. Infections are down, fatigue is down, strength is up, I’m a happy human * But my central nervous system and brain had further to heal, hence this flare after a conflict to show me I wasn’t there yet and where to go next in recovery. When those things are strong and no longer vulnerable to outside influence, I will be fucking invincible. An invincible unicorn. That loves fantasy books. And chocolate. And Benedict Cumberbatch. Word.
A lot has arisen recently about men abusing positions of authority to prey on women, creating unsafety, a culture of shame and hidden abuse * Many women seek out yoga, meditation, and healing arts to find safety within their bodies and to be around men who are conscious of these issues. To conscious men, it is not enough to be aware and yet still stuck in the ego of sex and lust * Increasingly this year I’ve read about and seen many men in the spiritual community doing exactly the same thing. Using the power differential to prey upon women that are so open in these environments as they go there to heal; to reclaim self worth, self love and to build safe boundaries again, which is profoundly brave and vulnerable work * I don’t see myself or women in general as passive victims. We are so strong * But I do see a culture where this behaviour is so ingrained, in every area of life, that we begin to doubt our experiences as women. To allow ourselves to be invalidated by the blame and shame. Where our boundaries are not seen, heard, or respected * This is everywhere and and is not a normal way of conducting male and female interactions. It is abuse * I don’t think I have a single female friend that hasn’t experienced some violation of boundaries physically or emotionally from a man * This is so fucked up, and yet it is the norm that so many do not seek to question. People shy away from the crucial work of sitting in the discomfort of challenging these deeply ingrained belief systems * I am responsible for my boundaries. But I am not responsible for the damaging force of this kind of behaviour. I will not hear that women are at fault for flirting, for being a certain way, for in any way bringing about a violation of their emotional or physical being * We are deserving of total respect and safety always. To women brave enough to speak, keep going. These conversations begin at home, with family, friends, in our own communities. We cannot do this in anger, it has to be from a meeting of open hearts and minds, something that feels in short supply in these times I know. But we have to speak. Silence serves no one.
Organic grain free, sugar free, dairy free chocolate brownie (I actually used sweet potato and it’s divine ). Served with home made coconut vanilla ice cream. Because a life without chocolate is not one I wish to live * A warm from the oven chocolate brownie is one of my favourite treats, especially in this season as I curl up in the evenings with a book and get nesty (usually in my unicorn onesie - wild times in Portland ) * I don’t eat many sweet things as it kicks my inflammation if I do. But I don’t believe in deprivation or diets as it leads to unhealthy mental and emotional connections with food. Dieting is a corporate invention based on shame. When we are connected to our bodies and emotions, and eating with love for ourselves, we are healthy and balanced * There are always ways for us to treat ourselves. Not ‘cheats’ that hurt us and lead to shame and health consequences * Real treats using whole foods where we can enjoy beautiful flavours that we love, without them being full of refined sugars, processed fats and chemicals that hurt us * Please know that changing how you eat to whole foods doesn’t mean food will be boring or you won’t be able have wonderful treats. Trust me that the joy of being out of pain and inflammation, coupled with the self love we grow by eating well, becomes a habit that we want to grow and maintain * If we have difficulty with stopping the eating patterns things that hurt us, there is no shame in this at all. Processed food and sugar are physiologically addictive, so coming off them can take time and guidance * We are also taught to numb feelings and pain with food, rather than learning to love ourselves. So go gently on this, and get help if needed. We deserve a lot of support and kindness through all the changes we are brave enough to begin. It is a process. Every baby step takes us further and counts for a lot. Get in touch if you don’t know where to start x
Meditating through chronic pain is a skill I’ve mastered this year. It hasn’t been linear but like any other muscle it improves with practice * With the guidance of my teacher Dr Joe Dispenza, my pain has lessened hugely and as you guys have seen, I am recovering : ) * A new challenge arose this past couple of weeks. To meditate through severe acute pain during this auto immune flare * Holy shit this was a different experience. Chronic pain shouts for attention. This pain is staging an entire tap dancing show * How difficult it is shows me how profoundly my brain is reacting when I’m in a flare. How activated my limbic system is. That primal part of my brain that screams fight or flight has been in full operatic voice, in surround sound ha * But I’ve persevered. I have not been able to leave the house, so every few hours I sit my bum down and I try. Sometimes it’s just a short time, but it counts * It has made me more grateful for my yoga practice. Due to pain it has been floor based, very gentle. But it has kept me in my body instead of taking flight from pain. It has helped me remember to breathe, to stay grounded, connected to this amazing body that is healing and that keeps me alive every second * Today I got dressed. To have this as an achievement gives me a stark reminder of where I was a year ago; when a shower, getting dressed, a trip to the store, was a massive win * It reminds me to be grateful for how far I’ve come. To thank this flare for showing me the power of the work I’ve done so far to heal myself. To show me yes I have further to go, but that’s ok and is entirely in my power * I feel safe. I don’t feel overwhelmed. I’m tired as all fuck, look like a camel’s bumhole, and yes this is not the most fun time I’ve had. But it is worth it a thousand times over for the woman it is creating out of this fire * I do not feel like a victim. I am more than equal to this challenge. Thank you to @julie_oregone @kayleeholzart and everyone supporting me. I want for nothing. A functioning liver would be great haha, but I don’t feel any lack or frustration. I’m right on time, I just have to sit in this fire, observe, and it will pass. @officialdrjoedispenza
When your liver and gallbladder decide to go on strike (I think they are French ) * And as a consequence you have a challenging week physically and want to stay in your pj’s * If you can, get dressed * Put on a hat to hide the fact that you look like Gollum’s scrotum * And head out for a walk/hobble in the beautiful Autumn sunshine * There’s not a lot that this won’t make better * The door to happiness is never closed. It’s mine to open * Every positive thought. Every kindness to myself or another, opens this door and changes the course of my life * The more I feel worthy of this happiness, the wider that door opens. And I can tell you genuinely that this physical bump bothers me not one iota * I’m self caring like a boss and I’m off my tits on CBD when the pain gets too high. It will all settle swiftly and I will be stronger on the other side in a few weeks when this is done. I don’t want or need anything other than this sunny day, this gorgeous time, my life as it is right now * PLUS!!!! (this is the pièce de la resistance ) given the current recovery organ focus, I can go to the Halloween party dressed as a ghoulbladder!!!!! * How funny I find my own joke here is not cool I’m aware. At all. Dad joke central. But seriously, I’m laughing my ass off right now haha
The non linear nature of recovery * It is important to be honest in the picture perfect world of social media that it’s not all unicorn farting rainbows. Out on the arena floor, face down after falling is where I’ve learnt the most in my life * At my brain re wiring workshop, my safe space, a very unexpected situation occurred * I was attacked verbally and energetically by someone, a good person, just lost in fear and codependence * I didn’t react, held the space safely for them to get it out, knowing it wasn’t about me. I did and still do feel compassion * My window of tolerance, my ability to work in a calm space in life is robust. From hard work, I can stay within that window and my immune system stays calm as long as my brain is * However that experience was way outside this window of tolerance even though I coped outwardly. My limbic system, my fight or flight pedal jammed on * I woke up the next day with a cold sore the size of a Pomeranian dog. Then fatigue kicked. Upon returning home, I am now in the midst of a full auto immune attack * It means I won’t make my yoga teacher training. And this is heartbreaking. I’m also unable to eat and in extreme pain. It is a significant bump in the road * But this experience was deeply valuable. To see the direct relationship to what’s going on in my brain and how that affects my body. To know that really truly, our brains govern our symptoms and illnesses. And that is mine to heal. No one else's fault or responsibility * I can’t hide from the unexpected, life happens. It unfolded as it needed to and I'm grateful and bear no grudge. We are all human. But it does humble me * How the force of trauma reverberates down years, decades, sometimes whole ancestral lines. How recovery takes time. That we are re programming in a non linear fashion with with non linear results * To be gentle with that, know if we are doing our best then it is always enough. Working with the brain to heal is a process * Things to do differently next time? Unsaid things hurt our bodies so I would like to have a voice. I made peace so I could do my meditation work. But usually I would have spoken, which mitigates the damage a lot
Many men have a really weird reaction to the fact that I lift. * 'Be careful, you don't want to get masculine Nadia'. 'Oh wow so you want to look butch'. 'But you're so dainty, how can you lift weights' * Or I get a random patronising critique on instagram about how I'm holding the bar, or some other aspect of my technique (my PT who lifts professionally is with me at all times btw and calls bullshit on every one of these mansplaining comments ) * So I just wanted to take this opportunity to reassure these men publicly, that this deadlift picture is not in fact shrinking anyone's penis. The twig and giggle berries are safe boys, breathe. * Watching what comes out of our mouths is really important. Is it truly something we think? Or is it social, familial, cultural conditioning? Is it our unconscious programming * Cultivating an ability to watch our voice allows us to respond to the human we have in front of us with our presence rather than with the accumulated unconscious beliefs that come out of our face when we are not present, not noticing * I can lift, men can do ballet, my cat can sell catnip whilst morris dancing. We can all do what ever we like if we aren't hurting another * This is why we meditate. To be able to notice our calm and compassionate voice amongst the storm of often unkind conditioning voices * I also meditate as apparently it's frowned upon for me to high five any of these men in the face with a workout bench.
The most important skill I have learnt in this recovery * Is not only a skill. That sounds too left brained, too intellectual * So in fact it's an art, because it actively creates new life, opportunities, experiences, and freedom * It is the art of letting go * How tightly I was holding on, to control, trying to shape my external world, to wishing relationships different, to friends that were not right for my healing, to the past, the terror of symptoms, the imaginary shit future * I was hanging on for dear fucking life. Lest I unravelled like a spool of thread if I let go * Our fight or flight survival mechanisms scream to hang on. To try and control our environment for safety. Constant hyper-vigilance. This pattern actually changes our brains and we begin to get stuck in a loop of survival that signals the body into more sickness. Yes, your brain really is in charge of the shit show unfolding south of it * Our heart whispers to trust, to love, to know we can control the square route of fuck all * Our soul lovingly wakes up this knowledge in us, showing us the damage of fear on our bodies so that we can self correct and grow * And ultimately; to love. To let go of outcome, control, fear, our victim stories, our past and future * And this, this is where recovery lives. Where the body has energy to heal. Where the mind can create new pathways for a different tomorrow. Where it let's go of a past we cannot change. Where we find our purpose, our joy and our love for self * We resist. My fucking god do we love to resist. But what we resist really does persist. Get your power back tribe. Be the creator. Accrue tools to quiet everything that isn't your true voice of joy, love, and gratitude. Break that brain survival loop and set yourself free. It isn't our fault that we got there. But we are solely responsible for changing it * Don't let your sickness story be stronger than your souls story that it's here to speak. Get out of your way. I can promise you it's worth it : ). 80% recovery here and gaining. I'm no different to you. I just found tools to help my brain change, and I practice every damn day. We will be introducing a new program to do this work in Spring x
It's amazing how we are marketed to, how powerful food propaganda is * Consider the term convenience foods * Processed, highly dangerous chemicals, addictives, preservatives, inflammatory hydrogenated fats, sugars: all put together in a combination that puts the brain's reward system into overdrive * The combination of flavours and make up of this food bypasses our normal satiety (when we know we are full ) checks and balances. Thus making us overeat. And more worrying - making us addicted to these life taking foods * The sugar, chemicals and processed fats ( all fat is not damaging - processed fat is ) cause inflammation across the entire body, and disrupts every single organ system * So this 'convenience food' that takes 5 minutes to prepare...... doesn't our body deserve better? * The above meal took ten minutes to cook. It is scallops, prawns, cauliflower purée and wilted spinach. It was nutritious and nourishing, I prepared it with love for myself and for this incredible body that works so hard for me. And most importantly, it tasted divine * Food addiction is real. It is both physical from the nature of processed foods and how our brain chemicals respond to it. And emotional too. We are shown all these foods that we begin to lean on when we feel sad or angry or upset, because we aren't taught to fulfil those needs with our own love * Learning to self care healthily with whole foods is such an empowering thing for us. To not harm our precious body. To love it better instead
Yoga on the beach * You see loads of pictures of it so think it's a fucking great idea * Until you get sand in your eye and in your bikini bottoms * All power to these yogis that brave the sand for their practice * I shall be sticking to land. Where I can see. And where i don't have to walk back to my room with sand in between my bum cheeks * Least zen yoga post ever * Happy Saturday x
This recovery is sponsored by gratitude * And the growing joy I feel every day to be alive. To have survived this shit storm and truly know it for the blessing it was * I'm sorry the website hasn't been published yet. The entire way I'm working with patients has changed entirely as my own recovery suddenly lifted off and as a result my knowledge has grown exponentially * I don't have any ego in this endeavour. I just want all of us to be well. So I stopped, scrapped a lot of it, and have been re writing and creating something better for us. I have continued to learn whilst I work with a growing tribe of recovery warriors and as ever I'm humbled by the fact that my best teachers are not my professors or other teachers - but you guys * All is on track and I will have exciting announcements very soon * All my love. N x pic by @colelhoward
Don't ever forget that we are here to have fun. To giggle like we did when we were kids. To lose total control and abandon all dignity in the midst of a giggle storm * I asked Khino to video me doing squats on a bosu. It didn't go quite to plan......It's like bambi on ice after a bottle of whiskey haha. There's a giggle snort in here too if you turn the sound on. I'm so attractive * Rehabilitation of my body continues to be a learning curve of what I can do safely, and what is too much * Of what stabilises my body and takes pain down. And what causes inflammation and takes pain up * Body weight exercise has been hugely helpful for my strength, balance, coordination and brain. Along with consistent yoga - my body is responding * My incredible trainer @khinobrakeen has been so awesome with my ebbs and flows in capability and energy * I used to exercise to lose weight, to look good. Now I exercise to get strong. To get flexible. To trust my body again and work with it as a team * As ever, it knows better than me if I shut my head up, tune in to it and understand what it needs and wants * At the moment of this video I think my body wanted an adultier adult in charge of it, that could squat without having a total snorting meltdown : )